Do Computers Catch Colds?

What are Viruses and Malware?

Just like humans can catch colds or the flu, computers can also “catch” viruses. These are not actual living viruses but tiny pieces of code or software that can harm your computer. For example, they can make it slow, delete your files, or even steal your information.

Malware is a term that includes computer viruses, but it also covers other harmful things, like worms, trojans, and ransomware. They all act differently but share the same goal – to mess with your computer or take something valuable from you.

Why Do You Need Anti-virus and Anti-malware?

You might wonder, “Why do we even need to worry about these things?” Well, imagine you’re playing a game of soccer. Without a goalie, the other team could easily score goals. Anti-virus and anti-malware are like the goalies for your computer. They help to stop viruses and malware from scoring a “goal” by getting into your computer and causing problems.

Built-In vs. Third-Party Software

You are thinking, “What software should I use to protect my computer?” There are mainly two types: built-in software and third-party software.

Built-In Software

Built-in software comes with your computer’s operating system. For example, if you’re using a Windows computer, it comes with a built-in tool called “Windows Defender.” If you’re using a Mac, it has something called “XProtect.” These tools are like a home’s basic lock system, helping keep most threats out.

Third-Party Software

Third-party software is like adding an extra lock or a security camera to your home. These are programs you can download from other companies, not the one that made your computer’s operating system. Some of the best ones are Webroot , ESET NOD32, and Bitdefender. They often have more features, like scanning emails for threats or blocking harmful websites.

Comparing the Two

But which one is better? It’s like asking if it’s better to have a basic lock or a full security system at home. The answer depends on your needs.

The built-in software does a surprisingly good job for most people. It’s simple, easy to use, and comes free with your computer. In addition, it constantly checks for common viruses and malware and keeps your computer safe.

On the other hand, third-party software can offer more protection. It’s like having a security guard who does extra checks. These programs can protect you from more types of threats and provide better support if something goes wrong. But they often cost money and can sometimes slow your computer down because they use more resources.

How Much Safety is Necessary?

Just as you buckle your seatbelt in the car for safety, it’s crucial to safeguard your computer with anti-virus and anti-malware software. The built-in software in your computer is like your seatbelt, providing a basic level of protection. If you choose a third-party program, it’s like adding an airbag to your car – an extra layer of safety for those just-in-case moments. No matter your choice, the important thing is that you’re taking steps to keep your computer safe. After all, just like in driving, prevention is better than cure when it comes to computer safety!

Gift Of The Magus Moon

Johnny has been a stage magician for years, but his career is on the brink of collapse. That is until he gets the opportunity of a lifetime – a gig on a luxurious cruise ship. Johnny jumps at the chance to perform for a new audience and hopefully save his career.

But things take an unexpected turn when Johnny witnesses an incredible atmospheric event and discovers that he has real magical powers. This could be the opportunity he has been waiting for to take his act to the next level. But soon, Johnny realizes that his new powers come at a dangerous price.

As he delves deeper into the world of magic, Johnny discovers a hidden world of secret societies and ancient terrors. He quickly realizes that his new powers have made him the target of dangerous individuals. His magic may be the key to saving his career, but it could also be the very thing that ends it, and worse yet, his life.

Available at these stores.

Dog Day

How to Write Funny

http://writetodone.com/2012/09/17/how-to-write-funny-2/

How to write funny

So you want to know how to write funny?
“People think it’s very hard to be funny but it’s an interesting thing—if you can do it, it’s not hard at all.” (Woody Allen)

Well, excuuuuse me, but most of us can’t do it. Or, if we sometimes do it, we have no idea how we did it. So, I interviewed some comics and here’s what I’ve discovered:

No one knows how to write funny!

Almost no one.

Arthur Black is very funny guy who lives on an island in the Salish Sea, and who claims to know how he does it. He hovers over his keyboard and then…

I imagine I’m in a tavern with a couple of guys I’ve just met, and I’d like a beer but I have no money. That’s it. I try to make whatever I type outrageous or thought-provoking or incongruous enough…to make them want to keep me lubricated.

Not very scientific, Arthur!

Problem is, if you dissect humour, the blood drains out of it. Like a frog in the biology lab, “the thing dies in the process and the innards are discouraging to any but the pure scientific mind.” (E.B. White)

That’s not even meant to be funny. But it highlights the problem with humour—if you study it too closely…

Humour isn’t funny.

For example:

“Capital punishment would be more effective as a preventive measure if it were administered prior to the crime.” (Woody Allen)

This is funny until we start poking around in those innards. Here’s what we find:

a) the statement is implausible,

and yet, somehow, yes, come on, don’t deny it…

b) the statement is plausible.

It’s implausible because we don’t string people up for thinking about murder (except maybe in Zimbabwe or Oklahoma). On the other hand, it’s kinda plausible because exterminating the would-be killer would save the victim. No doubt about it!

Please Note: your story must be more implausible than plausible.

Humour is a delicate balance of implausible and plausible.

Mathematically it looks like this: [ T(x) = ½ Be!2×2 ]

Where:

T = the god’s Truth;

B = the belief system by which the Truth is made invisible;

e = the existential quotient discovered by Jack Kerouac in a Mexican cantina;

x = is what we don’t know (although Arthur Black claims to know it).

Oh, yeah, and the “!” is a graphic reminder how serious this is.

In other words:

Humour is absurdly logical.

Which, as I warned you, isn’t very funny.

No one lives by this logic of the absurd more than Miami columnist, Dave Barry:

“As a mature adult, I feel an obligation to help the younger generation, just as the mother fish guards her unhatched eggs, keeping her lonely vigil day after day, never leaving her post, not even to go to the bathroom, until her tiny babies emerge and she is able, at last, to eat them.”

Which is hilarious, right? Why? Because Dave connects with three of Arthur Black’s beer-swilling criteria:

It’s thought-provoking—raising kids? are you kidding me?

1. It’s incongruous—that a fish should have to go to the bathroom.
2. It’s outrageous—thatwe should have babies so that we can…eat them.

Important Note: You don’t want anyone bogging down on the “baby” business. You don’t want your audience to know that “humour isn’t funny”. Just keep drinking and above all…

Keep being real.

Humour is about the bare-assed truth.

No one knows this better than the hero of my latest (unpublished) novel.

Conrad Morris, a would-be comedian, loves to disrupt dinner parties with such pithy and outrageous and incongruous truths as, “All disease is constipation.” To explain why this is funny, here’s Conrad himself:

“Finding a cure for cancer has so far cost…what?…a trillion? And all this time the answer lies…excuse me, where? In the toilet? The idea of all disease reduced to ‘constipation’ is comical because it is absurd yet earnest at the same time. It rings true. The implausible is not impossible.”

The implausible is not impossible.

(Are you taking notes?)

Conrad is absolutely correct. Feeling unwell? Skip to the loo and drop a chalupa. We’ve all been there. The logic in the absurd—as long as you don’t think about it—is funny.

Assignment:

In the following chunk from a Woody Allen short story, please locate the plausible that plops out of the implausible:

“The Walt Disney Company shareholder suit over the severance package paid to departing president Michael Ovitz was jolted today by the testimony of an unexpected witness, who was questioned by counsel for the entertainment giant.

“COUNSEL: Will the witness please state his name.

“WITNESS: Mickey Mouse.”

Please leave a “Comment” with your opinions on the foregoing apocryphal nonsense. You may even have your own half-baked notions about “How to Write Funny”.

At the very least, leave a joke.

About the author:
PJ Reece’s book ‘Story Structure to Die For‘ is a great resource for writers. It has been downloaded over 2,000 times. Please go here to download it for free.

Join the webinar with WTD Chief Editor Mary Jaksch: BUST THROUGH YOUR BLOGGING BARRIERS. Wednesday, 19 September at 8PM Eastern US. Click here to register (it’s FREE)